Wednesday, May 20, 2009

How To Survive An Attack

Step 1: Be wary
Be wary of chimps older than eight; that’s when they start to become volatile. A full-grown chimp, standing 3 to 5 feet tall and weighing up to 250 pounds, has five to ten times the strength of a same-size human being.
Male chimps seek to establish dominance over their family during adolescence, making them especially dangerous between ages 8 and 17.

Step 2: Don't underestimate them
Don’t underestimate their intelligence. The two male chimps that attacked a couple in 2005 got out of their cage by picking the lock.

Step 3: Don't show fear
If you think you’re in danger of being attacked, don’t show fear. Chimps don’t pick fights they don’t think they can win. If a chimp believes you have dominance, they’re less likely to attack.

Step 4: Protect your face
If a chimp makes a move toward you, protect your face: It’s the first thing they’ll go after. They also target fingers, hands, feet, testicles, noses, and ears. If you’re attacked, try to curl up into a ball to make those areas difficult to reach.

Step 5: Wear gear
If you’re going to be around an adult chimp, don the protective gear that animal handlers wear – face masks, goggles, rubber gloves, and boots.

Slight miscalculation.


1 comment:

  1. I have a more streamlined "How to survive a chimp attack"

    1. See chimp
    2. Shoot chimp

    One ever shows up in my neighborhood he's catchin some 7.62x39 hollowpoints, I'm not waiting for him to start attacking, and there's no damn way I'm going anywhere I know chimps will be without a handgun chambered in at least 9mm.