Thursday, May 28, 2009

Board Room



Write Your Congressman!

...to squash this bill:

The Great Ape Protection Act, recently reintroduced in Congress, would phase out invasive research on chimpanzees. This overdue legislation would prohibit isolation, social deprivation, and other procedures detrimental to the health and psychological well-being of chimpanzees. It would also require the release of federally owned chimpanzees to sanctuaries and make permanent the federal moratorium on breeding chimpanzees for research.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

How To Survive An Attack

Step 1: Be wary
Be wary of chimps older than eight; that’s when they start to become volatile. A full-grown chimp, standing 3 to 5 feet tall and weighing up to 250 pounds, has five to ten times the strength of a same-size human being.
Male chimps seek to establish dominance over their family during adolescence, making them especially dangerous between ages 8 and 17.

Step 2: Don't underestimate them
Don’t underestimate their intelligence. The two male chimps that attacked a couple in 2005 got out of their cage by picking the lock.

Step 3: Don't show fear
If you think you’re in danger of being attacked, don’t show fear. Chimps don’t pick fights they don’t think they can win. If a chimp believes you have dominance, they’re less likely to attack.

Step 4: Protect your face
If a chimp makes a move toward you, protect your face: It’s the first thing they’ll go after. They also target fingers, hands, feet, testicles, noses, and ears. If you’re attacked, try to curl up into a ball to make those areas difficult to reach.

Step 5: Wear gear
If you’re going to be around an adult chimp, don the protective gear that animal handlers wear – face masks, goggles, rubber gloves, and boots.



Slight miscalculation.

Source.

Attempted Rape

"When I tried to pass a banana to him, the chimpanzee grabbed my hand and pulled me into the cage and tried to rape me," said Valentina. She was only saved when her screams brought other keepers running. One keeper said: "It's a serious matter. If that had been a member of the public we would all be in court by now."


Source.

Super Deluxe

Scariest costume EVER.


I'd carry around a rubber human body part to make it believable and accurate. Maybe just a latex mask like I tore off a face.

Buy your own HERE.

Monday, May 18, 2009

$50,000 Disease Factory

Chimpanzee breeders are in the business of selling chimpanzees (~$50,000 each) not educating their customers about the hazards of pet ownership.

ALL primates potentially carry diseases deadly to humans including Herpes B, Yellow Fever, Monkeypox, Ebola virus, Marburg virus, SIV, HIV and tuberculosis.

A chimp about to paint the town red [with Fever].

Source.

Not So Scary Now

Sure he is.


Source.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Higher Learning

The not-so-hated orangutan showing how superior they can be(when compared to chimpanzees).

The ape, a 27-year-old female named Karta, jammed a stick into wires connected to the fence and then piled up debris to climb a concrete and glass wall at the Adelaide Zoo.


In this undated photo, an orangutan plots an escape (after breakfast).

Source.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Monkey Dreams

As in, what if you have a dream about a chimpanzee. Here's what it means from an online Dream Dictionary:
To see a chimpanzee in your dream, suggests that what you thought was true is actually not. You are being mislead by your intelligence or that you may be over-thinking an issue.


A possible dream containing chimpanzees.

Source: Dream Dictionary